I think almost 2 years ago, I was at the lowest point in my life – physically and emotionally. I felt at my weakest. A lot of questions that I think I know but refuse to answer. I do not usually talk it out with friends and family, but to myself. I even hated myself for being myself. I would even ask why I was doing what I’m doing or not doing what I’m supposed to be doing.
And then I just decide to fix myself little by little. First, I have to accept my current state (physically and emotionally). Then, I started to bring my stable self back – the state before I got to my lowest, meaning the usual self (both negative and positive).
Once I got back, I started to set my mind to go out of my comfort zone. I have tried things that I never imagined to be doing. It was hard and seems like I am just faking it. Until now, I can say I’m not really at the state that I want to be but going out of my comfort zone made my world bigger. It gave me better and creative ideas, see the bigger picture and realize things deeper than my usual thoughts. It also made me braver to do more things than I thought I can handle.
Right now, I am in the point in my life that I see it running so fast leaving me with so short of a time for all the ideas that I wasn’t able to bring to life yet. I am making my nights into days so I can put those to action. And up to this day, I am just starting. I am praying and thinking so hard to have longer time because I want to do more and I want to see more.
My kids, day by day, they are growing so fast. And as I cannot be with them every minute, I felt like I am losing an important part of me. It is not the life that I wanted so I am trying so hard to change its course. I wanted to be with them and see them grow.
They are my “whys” that I am doing what I am doing. I have never been this determined all my life. Because just like in a song, I only have one shot, I do not want to miss the chance as this opportunity comes once in a lifetime. And, I only have one life.